The Query Letter

As with synopses, there is plenty of information written about what query letters are, what they should contain, but not very many examples. Below is an example of a "successful" query letter of mine. By "successful," I mean a query that resulted in a request to see my manuscript.

If an editor/agent is intrigued by the query, he or she will request to see all or a portion of your manuscript. This doesn't guarentee a sale, but it elevates your manuscript above the rest of slushy stuff in the pile. I.e., you can slap "Requested Material" on your submission.

Before attempting a query letter, I recommend writing a synopsis. Actually, write at least two--a short, one-page version and a longer, three- to five-page version. A powerful tool for revision, a synopsis will help you get to the bones of your story. Can you describe your story in one, TV Guide style sentence? A couple of paragraphs? If not, the task of writing a query letter will be even harder.

Patricia Kirby
100 Main St.
Albuquerque, NM 87102
505-888-1234
Myemail@email.com [1]

Purple Dragon Publishing
Bob Bookman, Editor [2]
200 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10010

Dear Mr. Bookman: [3]

"Sometimes the thing you hate most about yourself is your greatest strength" is the theme of my 100,000-word fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos. [4] The novel's protagonist, Regan O'Connell, seems to have it all. She has a PhD and a good paying job as a project manager with a small consulting company. And unbeknownst to her co-workers, she's a one hundred and thirty-year-old demi-human, with a magical pedigree that includes vampires and elven royalty. [5]

But harnessing her magical ability has never been easy. [6] Immature by the standards of immortals, she has little-to-no control over the magic that simmers in her blood. For more than a century, she has been a Wolfe, a secret operative for the vampire syndicate the Grey Brethren. And for just as long, she has hidden her magical disability, struggling with one paranormal misadventure after another. Tired of her shenanigans, the Grey Brethren station her in Albuquerque, far out-of-the-way by paranormal standards.

But the arrival of a mysterious user of chaotic magic, a world destroying power, spells the end of Regan's trouble-free existence. [7] Soon after, her undead employers issue an ultimatum: Find and neutralize the chaotic magic user or find a new job. To make matters worst, she has inadvertently started a war, and developed a surprising attraction to . . . a human. Sorting the mess out will require a little help from her friends, some growing up, and acceptance that she will never be a practitioner of conventional magic.

An excerpt and synopsis of The Music of Chaos advanced to the finals in the 2004 Southwest Writers Contest. [9] A related short story will appear in the anthology Modern Magic: Tales of Fantasy and Horror, slated for publication in 2005. I have been an active member of Critters Online Workshop since October 2003. My current project is Hallowbone Holiday, the sequel to The Music of Chaos.

A short synopsis follows this letter. [10] May I send you all or some of The Music of Chaos?

Sincerely, [11]

Patricia Kirby

1.    This is a no-brainer, but set a query up like any other professional letter--address blocks, salutation, etc. Most word processors have templates for this. Though not shown in this example, I create my own custom letterhead. Try to avoid getting too creative, though. While there is more leaway here than with the manuscript itself, cute and unreadable fonts and wild paper colors aren't recommended. Think professional.

2.    Send your query to a real person, not "Dear Editor" or "Dear Agent." Do your research. A good source of editor/agent names is other authors. Some authors put their editor's name in the acknowlegements in the front of their book. Others list this on their web page.

3.    Another reason for thorough research. Though it's rather obvious in my example--"Bob"--sometimes the gender isn't apparent. If the editor has a gender neutral name, i.e., Alex, don't make any assumptions. You probably don't want to address someone as "Ms." when they are a "Mr." or vice versa.

4.    In this example, I took the straightforward, book title, genre, length, approach to beginning my query. Another approach is what some call the hard sell or creative hook. Here's a version of this query with a creative hook. Not all editors/agents like the creative hook; I wrote this query specifically for an editor who said she disliked the hard-sell. I fluffed the beginning up by stating my book's theme.

5.    With the previous three sentences, I tried to address the "who" portion of my story.

6.    Then I move on to the character flaw that will drive the plot. Note that my story description is written in present tense, just like any synopsis.

7.    And finally, I tried to inject a sense of the conflict that awaits the character. I also indicate that the character will be changed by the story.

8.    Probably the most controversial section of the query; I sometimes omit it. To some editors/agents, this gives them a sense of where the book might be positioned in the market. It may also be good place to inject a similar book represented/edited by your target. But, some might see it as an indicator that your story is a tired retread of the same old idea.

9.    Here's where you list your accomplishments. Alternately, you may explain what makes you uniquely qualified to write this book. For example, if the novel is a military thriller, then your twenty years of military service is relevant. I included my membership in a critique workshop because one editor said this indicated a writer's willingness to accept criticism (and revision.) And . . . because my literary qualifications are rather thin.

10.    The usual professional letter stuff. Mention any enclosures/attachments, if any. Usually, I state that the query includes a SASE envelope. In this case, I didn't mention the envelope, although I always include one.

11.    Again, the usual letter stuff. By all means, be polite.

Additional reading