The Walking Dead (Television Show)

Posted on January 24, 2012 by P. Kirby

The Walking DeadYou know what struck me about The Walking Dead?

After watching the first four episodes, I couldn’t name the main character or any of the characters for that matter. Point of disclosure: I wasn’t feeling all that well when I watched the episodes over a course of two nights. And I’m not great with names. But it’s still striking that at the end of the fourth episode, I was still referring to the protagonist as that Sheriff Guy.

So far, I like the show, but I think it may be a victim of high expectations.  I was hoping for something a little … “smarter?” Maybe smarter isn’t the right word, but here’s why it’s the first that comes to mind.

The series opens with a shot of Sheriff Guy, who I now know is Rick Grimes, walking down a deserted road, his patrol car abandoned behind him, an empty gas can in his hand. He reaches a campground, wanders around among the tents and abandoned vehicles. Then, hearing something, he crouches behind a car. Looking under the vehicle, he sees someone shuffling along in bunny slippers. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. The mysterious walker then reaches down and picks up a stuff animal toy.

For some reason, this is all the reason Grimes needs to Continue reading →

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Stone Arabia

Posted on January 17, 2012 by P. Kirby

Stone Arabia“You all wanna be looking very intently at your own belly buttons.” ~Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, Serenity.

The above quote kept running through my head as I read Stone Arabia, a novel with a protagonist given to the kind of introspection that is best described as navel gazing.

The protagonist, Denise Kranis, is a forty-something woman living in Los Angeles. The story focuses on her relationship with her brother Nik, a talented (?) but failed musician/artist. If the book’s blurb is to be believed, the pivotal moment in the story–inciting incident if this were genre fiction, perhaps–occurs when Denise’s daughter, Ada, decides to film a documentary about her reclusive uncle (Nik). Except, Ada doesn’t show up until late in the novel. Instead, most of the narrative is taken up by Denise’s thoughts on family, memory–memory being the theme–and her peculiar obsession with certain current events.

The latter being Denise’s most irritating characteristic because Continue reading →

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Troll Hunter

Posted on January 13, 2012 by P. Kirby

I almost have to like Troll Hunter for one reason alone.

Troll HunterIt has no shrieking women. There are some hysterics from a male cast member, but a hungry troll puts a quick end to it. The women are delightfully scream-free. (My reaction to the archetypal screaming starlet is to urge the monster to, “Kill her, kill her now!”)

The downside is that it’s filmed mockumentary-style, with handheld cameras and all the nausea-inducing shaking that goes with film vérité. Besides making sections unbearable for those prone to motion sickness, it means that chunks of the film are just herky-jerky shots of the ground as the characters flee the trolls. The trick is suspenseful once, but gets old fast.

Han (Otto Jespersen) has a problem. He hates his job. (Who doesn’t?) The hours suck, he gets no overtime, there’s tedious paperwork and his coworkers…. Well, he has no coworkers. Instead, he has trolls; it’s his job to manage the trolls of Norway. (Given my experience with coworkers, I might prefer the trolls…)

Hans is a troll hunter for the super secret Norwegian Troll Security Service (TSS). Even today, Norway has a healthy troll population. At least it was healthy. Han’s job consists of Continue reading →

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Boycott Skechers

Posted on January 13, 2012 by P. Kirby
Boycott Skechers

Boycott Skechers

What do Skechers and a lamprey have in common?

They both suck.

Here’s my greyhound, weighing in on the controversy (with a little help from me and Photoshop).

In case you don’t know, Skechers is airing a Super Bowl ad that features the loathsome Tucson, Arizona dog track. Using “loathsome” to describe any dog track is, admittedly, like saying shit stinks. All excrement, like all dog tracks, reeks.

But Tucson is one of the worst of the worst. My poor hound came from Tucson, skinny, poorly socialized and with intestinal problems and epilepsy.

In response to protests from concerned citizens, Skechers claims that the ad was meant to be humorous. Hmmm. What next, Skechers? A “funny” advert about dog fighting? Or child abuse?

To get a better look at the hound’s opinion on the matter, click on the image for a larger view.

My earlier rant on greyhound racing.

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What’s a Snot Monkey?

Posted on January 10, 2012 by P. Kirby

A simian with post nasal drip.

The, uh, real answer is here, at my guest blog at Carina Press. What does this have to do with my new novel, The Canvas Thief? *Snerk* Honestly? Probably, not much. I just didn’t want to write yet another blog where the author gushes about her characters, how this story is sooo special to her. It is, but that kind of blog reads like a mom going on about how her awesome children. It’s trite and filled with “Helloo, Captain Obvious!”

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Captain America

Posted on January 10, 2012 by P. Kirby

Captain America movieI’m going to state this right out front. Despite my earlier assessment of Thor, I prefer it to Captain America.

Not because Thor is a better movie–both are splashy, but mediocre origin stories–but rather because Thor has Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. Hiddleston’s Loki vacillates between fan-girl-cute boy and smirking, smexy, power-hungry menace. He’s a villain worth rooting for.

Captain America has Red Skull, played by the usually magnificent, even when buried in a mask (V for Vendetta), Hugo Weaving. In V for Vendetta, Weaving projects all manner of emotion through an unmoving white mask. In Captain America, he can’t seem to get a twitch out of flexible red latex.

Chris Evans plays Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, the all-American hero. Handsome in a generic blond way, he’s physically suited for the role. (Why, pray tell, is “All American” synonymous with white and anglo? Maybe it’s a function of living in New Mexico, but my All American is several shades darker, and is often bilingual.) Evans does a decent bit of acting. He even manages to generate a smidgen of chemistry with the obligatory love interest, Hayley Atwell as Peggy Carter. (As opposed to the fizzle that was between Ryan Reynolds and whatshername in Green Lantern.)

Steve Rogers begins the story as Continue reading →

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Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Posted on December 30, 2011 by P. Kirby

Rise of the Planet of the ApesBecause I can be a tiresome pedant, I’d like to note that we are currently living on the “planet of the apes.” Humans are apes. Except to those less-evolved hominids who believe that their imaginary friend magicked up the Earth, firmaments and all its inhabitants in seven days. (If you’re one of those, why are your here, reading this blog? Shoo!)

I confess, I never saw the original Planet of the Apes  movie. I know–hang my head in shame–how can I call myself a geek? (I did see the Tim Burton reboot, which sucked monkey balls.) But based on what I’ve gleaned from Wikipedia and the few scenes from the original that I have seen, Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a splendid prequel.

James Franco plays Will Rodman, the earnest young scientist in search of a cure for Alzheimer’s. His is a personal quest, as his father, Charles (John Lithgow) suffers from the disease. Hope, however, shines bright on the horizon with Will’s pharmaceutical masterpiece, ALZ-113. The first test subject, a chimp known as number 9, displays amazing cognitive abilities after being given the drug, solving a puzzle which probably would challenge many Homo sapiens. Will brings the news to his boss, Jacobs (David Oyelowo) and they prepare to unveil the drug to stockholders, investors and other money types.

Then, disaster strikes. Chimp 9 goes bananas, rampaging through the test facility and eventually being shot dead. Jacobs is furious and demands that Continue reading →

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Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Posted on December 28, 2011 by P. Kirby

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger TidesIn 2003, the powers that be at Disney had a shiny bright idea: “Let’s make a movie based on a ride in our theme park. Better yet, two.” As source material goes, you probably couldn’t find anything weaker unless you looked in the mirror one morning and decided to write an epic about the pimple on your chin:  Zachary the Zit and the Temple of Acutane.

Despite this, one movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl,  managed to transcend its shit-for-brains premise and make it to the pinnacle of entertaining. (The other, The Haunted House, has been relegated to an answer to a trivia question.)

Of course, the whole Pirates franchise would have suffered a similar fate if not for Johnny Depp’s twitchy, effete portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow. If driven solely by the power of the pretty—Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom–it would have sunk deep, beyond even Davy Jones’s reach. Because, let’s face it, Orlando Bloom’s vacuous beauty is perfectly suited for the role of largely silent elf and not much else. Which left Knightly with the job of carrying the personality for two, and generating the heat in a mostly tepid love story.

Jack, fortunately, stole the show. Buoyed by coherent and sometimes clever plot line that showcased Sparrow’s mercurial nature, the movie was a swashbuckling bit of fun. As for the next two movies, well, neither had anywhere near the charm of the first but I found them enjoyable.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, however, represents the Continue reading →

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New Cover Goodness

Posted on December 23, 2011 by P. Kirby

I got this a while back and forgot to post it. The Canvas Thief now has a cover! I like how the designer went with a cool fusion of illustration/graphic novel and reality.

Here’s the story description from the original query letter to Carina Press:

Ten years ago, with two perfect drawings, Maya Stephenson accidentally did the impossible. She brought her graphic novel’s characters–Benjamin Black, a thief, and Adam Sayres, a cop–into our world.

Benjamin is tired of the real world and determined to go home to EverVerse, the land of imaginary characters. He breaks into Maya’s house, planning to force her to destroy his drawings, which will Fade him to EverVerse.  The last thing he wants is a relationship, especially with the person who dragged him into this world. But when he meets Maya, his heart starts insisting he’s already home.

Maya has always suspected she’s different.  But until Benjamin and Adam appear in her life, she’s been the epitome of normal. And normal girls date guys with respectable day jobs. So why are her thoughts and hormones getting sidetracked by Benjamin, the enigmatic thief?  Especially when Adam, “the good guy,” is available and interested.

Except real world Adam is a crime lord masquerading as an ATF agent. From Maya, he wants an army of immortals. From Benjamin, he wants immortality independent of his drawings, which can only be achieved if Benjamin Fades to EverVerse, taking one of Adam’s drawings with him.

Benjamin and Maya fight their attraction, all the while coming up with reasons to see each other. But falling is love is the least of their troubles.  Not when Adam is willing to do anything, including hurting Maya’s friends and family, to get what he wants.

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Happy Holidays!

Posted on December 22, 2011 by P. Kirby

Oh, noes. The War on Christmas!

Dining room remodel

As part our war on Christmas, hubby and I converted our garage to a dining room--in time for Xmas Eve dinner.

Can you have a war if one side doesn’t even show up? I mean, in the War on Christmas, there’s only one army on the field.  That’s because the evil godless masses, myself included, have been too busy setting up Christmas trees, putting up Christmas lights, buying Christmas gifts and planning Christmas parties.

Thus far, the only combatant on the field is Christmas and its looniest soldiers (Bill O’Reilly, et al). They’ve been marching about since October, waving plastic swords like Don Quixotes. The utter absence of an enemy doesn’t faze them in the least.

Never one to pass up a good fight, I thought I’d take a moment to fire a few salvos here from the sidelines, sniper style. “Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays!” Plink, plink, plink, plink.

That said, to everyone else, have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and a Prosperous New Year!

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